Monday April 30, 07
I have cried a million tears this week. It is hard to move my head into the future. I am stuck here. I can't really say exactly what I did all week. The days are a blurr of normal activities - the things Mike and I did together. And then not so normal things like going through the history of our life together and packing it up or packing up Mike's side of the closet. I have spent the past few days working so hard at getting the house ready to sell that at night I am weary. I am trying to plan out my days so I know what I have to do. Mike is dealing with his challenges too. Like driving away from me, from our house, from Oregon. Away from everything he has ever loved. He is alone in a new town with none of his familiar surroundings and the challenge of a new job. This is so much harder and emotional than we ever imagined. We both got fooled into thinking that it would be fun to have an adventure and meet new people. Right now this is not fun. I knew it would be hard...but not this hard. I know that out of hard things comes beauty and grace and things unexpected. I do need to say that while this is painful and difficult we are not facing the super hard things like being diagnosed with cancer or sending your husband off to war one month after your first baby is born. Those are the truly gut-wrenching life events. But pulling up deep roots cannot be done without some pain and sorrow. Today I recognize how truly blessed Mike and I are and how much we have to be thankful for. And, I miss him every minute.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Mike Leaves for Fargo
Sunday April 22, 07
His car is packed. The weeks of anticipation, waiting for this day are over. It is a cool and cloudy typical spring 'Oregon' day. He is leaving early. We have our 'normal' breakfast together, yet nothing feels normal. It is time. Time for him to go. He gives me a big warm hug and kiss. I am having trouble feeling anything. I follow him out to the garage and stand there in my blue robe and wave good-bye. I blow him kisses. I watch his car drive away.I turn and walk back into the house and feel a profound sense of loss. I realize the life we had here, in this place, in this house, with our children, our friends, our cycling..it is all over. And, it was good -it was very very good. It will never be the same. I wander around the house wondering what I should do next. I try to get 'busy' but can't go into our bedroom or see Mike's closet empty. I wonder why we ever chose to do this. I am alone and he feels so very far away. Some people may read this and think wow what a baby - you will only be apart for a few months. But what they may not understand is that we did everything together. And, for today I am overcome with the memories of the life we built here together.
His car is packed. The weeks of anticipation, waiting for this day are over. It is a cool and cloudy typical spring 'Oregon' day. He is leaving early. We have our 'normal' breakfast together, yet nothing feels normal. It is time. Time for him to go. He gives me a big warm hug and kiss. I am having trouble feeling anything. I follow him out to the garage and stand there in my blue robe and wave good-bye. I blow him kisses. I watch his car drive away.I turn and walk back into the house and feel a profound sense of loss. I realize the life we had here, in this place, in this house, with our children, our friends, our cycling..it is all over. And, it was good -it was very very good. It will never be the same. I wander around the house wondering what I should do next. I try to get 'busy' but can't go into our bedroom or see Mike's closet empty. I wonder why we ever chose to do this. I am alone and he feels so very far away. Some people may read this and think wow what a baby - you will only be apart for a few months. But what they may not understand is that we did everything together. And, for today I am overcome with the memories of the life we built here together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)