Ode to Oregon

Ode to Oregon

I have always been fascinated with 'mountains'. I have always wanted to live in the mountains or near them. They challenge me with their majestic beauty. They inspire me to do more to be more. When I see a mountain I want to climb it or ride my bike around it. That is why I chose as a young woman to move to a state that was filled with majestic mountains. In 1976 I moved to Oregon and was filled with wonder at the natural beauty of this state. I was 20 years old and still had a lot to learn about life. Oregon wrapped her arms around me and showed me the way. I have always felt like I belonged here. I am now 51 years old and have raised my children here in Oregon, finished a college degree here, found the man of my dreams here and built a life that was magical.

Life in Oregon was not always easy. Oregon can have gray stormy rain filled skies and sometimes my life here was just that - gray and stormy. Oregon never failed me and the sun always returned to my life. I have always felt lucky to live in Oregon. I have cherished my time here. As my last full week of living in what I would call paradise comes to a close - I raise a toast to her snow capped mountains, rushing rivers, moss laden forests, crystal clear lakes, and a craggy coast line. What a state!! I have ridden my bicycle on every epic ride. I have trained on countless country roads. I have ridden in the wind, rain, hail and summer sun of Oregon. I have experienced Oregon up close and personal on my bike and have been filled with joy. As I prepare to leave this place my heart is filled with love. I take Oregon with me in my heart and in my soul.

Passing Time

It has been almost one month since my last post. I am still in Eugene and Mike is still in Fargo. At times this separation feels endless. Both of us are in limbo - waiting for a new life to begin, living our separate lives,mourning the old life. Passing time. I have been busy with family and doing every epic bike ride that I have loved. Soon I won't have epic rides right outside my back door to go conquer. Soon I won't have big mountains to climb with screaming fast descents that put all the senses to the test. Soon I won't have lush green forests and rivers to ride by. But soon I will have something else. I will have a life with my husband. Soon we will have new roads to ride and new places to explore together. Having said all that I do need to put this into perspective. Our few months of separation have been painful; however, our military families would love to have their separations be 4 months. Our daughter's husband Levi just deployed to Iraq for 18 months. His baby was 6 weeks old when he left. How does a military wife 'pass time' while her beloved husband is at war? How does one deal with a life in limbo for 18 months? I know it will take courage, patience and divine intervention. Military families in this war don't get to say 'soon' like I do. When I celebrate my reunion with Mike and I will remain mindful of our military families who are separated because of this war. I will remain mindful about how difficult it has been for me to be in limbo and pass time and will remember the military families who have to do it for so much longer than me. The picture included on this post is of our son (in-law) Levi hugging his son (our grandson) Ayden good-bye on June 6, 2007. I hate war.

A long way from home

As of April 22, our life in Eugene has become a memory for me. My first task was an 1800 mile drive, made bearable by a wonderful CD that my loving wife made for the trip. I practically wore it out. My second task was to attack my new job and become successful quickly, to leave no doubt in their mind or mine that they made the right choice and so did I in teaming up. For a while I was able to immerse myself in these tasks and "protect" myself from the emotions of the situation. As they say, "you can avoid reality, but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." Between the pictures that Carolyn sent me this week and the poem that came from her heart, my defenses evaporated, and I am suffering a severe case of homesickness. It's been too long since I've seen my wife and my home. I impulsively scheduled a trip home on June 1, and I'm now living for that day. This will be a more rigorous test of our love, our character, and our marriage than we could have imagined, but I'm confident that we will emerge from this test even stronger and more in love. That's the way it works with us.

A Poem -The Patio Table

The Patio Table

I watch as the eager garage sale ‘treasure seekers’ inspect our patio table
It seats five around the circumference
Nothing special bought at K-Mart
Our life together has been a magical fable

The treasure seekers walk around
This abstract piece of back yard furniture
Worth purchasing they wonder?

After several trips round & round
Sizing it up and down
Money offered
They are ready to load and drive back to town

I watch them drag that table to their truck
And push and shove so it does not get stuck

Be careful I say
As images float around the table
Smiles, warmth, laughter, love
Fearfully gripping the edges hanging on

Not so rough I say
A babies’ first birthday, cake, candles, singing
Our family around the table
Dragged and shoved into the back of that truck

I stand in the driveway and wave goodbye
As the patio table disappears out of sight

Week Two

This is the longest time I have gone without seeing my husband for at least 15 years.It is funny how the psyche copes with voids that are created in our lives. I am at times functioning very well - at least I think I am. And, life seems to have gotten into a rhythm.I no longer wander around the house. I am making lists and staying very busy. At other moments I am in tears and wish that Mike was here and we did not have to leave Eugene. But we are leaving and the day will come when we will drive out of this town and my beloved Oregon. But this week has brought me a new way of looking at things..if I have to leave then I am going to enjoy the remaining time that I have here. It's the least I can do! And, I have decided that once I get to Fargo I am going to enjoy that too. I am anxious to get back to being a wife to Mike. And, I want our life back. So, I am a bit more settled this week and accepting of being alone and having Mike so far away. Besides, my grandson, Ayden was born on May 3rd. I am thankful for him and I can't wait to meet him.

Week One

Monday April 30, 07
I have cried a million tears this week. It is hard to move my head into the future. I am stuck here. I can't really say exactly what I did all week. The days are a blurr of normal activities - the things Mike and I did together. And then not so normal things like going through the history of our life together and packing it up or packing up Mike's side of the closet. I have spent the past few days working so hard at getting the house ready to sell that at night I am weary. I am trying to plan out my days so I know what I have to do. Mike is dealing with his challenges too. Like driving away from me, from our house, from Oregon. Away from everything he has ever loved. He is alone in a new town with none of his familiar surroundings and the challenge of a new job. This is so much harder and emotional than we ever imagined. We both got fooled into thinking that it would be fun to have an adventure and meet new people. Right now this is not fun. I knew it would be hard...but not this hard. I know that out of hard things comes beauty and grace and things unexpected. I do need to say that while this is painful and difficult we are not facing the super hard things like being diagnosed with cancer or sending your husband off to war one month after your first baby is born. Those are the truly gut-wrenching life events. But pulling up deep roots cannot be done without some pain and sorrow. Today I recognize how truly blessed Mike and I are and how much we have to be thankful for. And, I miss him every minute.

Mike Leaves for Fargo

Sunday April 22, 07
His car is packed. The weeks of anticipation, waiting for this day are over. It is a cool and cloudy typical spring 'Oregon' day. He is leaving early. We have our 'normal' breakfast together, yet nothing feels normal. It is time. Time for him to go. He gives me a big warm hug and kiss. I am having trouble feeling anything. I follow him out to the garage and stand there in my blue robe and wave good-bye. I blow him kisses. I watch his car drive away.I turn and walk back into the house and feel a profound sense of loss. I realize the life we had here, in this place, in this house, with our children, our friends, our cycling..it is all over. And, it was good -it was very very good. It will never be the same. I wander around the house wondering what I should do next. I try to get 'busy' but can't go into our bedroom or see Mike's closet empty. I wonder why we ever chose to do this. I am alone and he feels so very far away. Some people may read this and think wow what a baby - you will only be apart for a few months. But what they may not understand is that we did everything together. And, for today I am overcome with the memories of the life we built here together.